Dear readers, recently I’ve been experiencing yet more medical issues. During my research on my potential new diagnoses, I made a rather startling connection. My mind has been blown with what I’ve discovered. Today, this post may be a bit of a rant as I connect all the dots. It took me five years to make all these realizations. My entire life I was ruled by responsibility, I even accepted responsibility for things that weren’t my fault – just to keep the peace between the man who donated his sperm for my mother’s eggs and his bed-warmer. I try not to hate him or blame him and accept responsibility for my own well-being but I’m in a place in my life where I can longer ignore his role and it makes me mad. Livid, really. From the beginning of my existence, SHE told me there was “nothing wrong” with me and to stop being a hypochondriac like my grandmother. I believe, truly that neither of them really wanted to raise children – they just seemed to want a maid (her) and to not die alone (
Dear readers, it’s been a while since I last wrote a blog post and my life hasn’t gotten much easier since then. As I cope with my new diagnoses, I am faced with difficult real life decisions. All these choices also kick up a lot of emotional trauma and I’m having a really difficult time swimming these shark infested waters. Let’s recap, shall we? In July 2022, I caught Covid-19 and was ill for a full three months. Not only that, but it also caused long Covid and those symptoms did not dissipate until the following spring/early summer 2023. What does that look like you ask? I went from being able to walk 15 km + a day to not being able to get out of bed for days at a time, severe joint and muscle pain, the inability to walk more than 1 km, I can no longer stand for more than 30 minutes at a time. My feet hurt, my ankles hurt, my knees hurt, my back hurts, my shoulders hurt, my elbows hurt, my wrists hurt, and each and every single joint in my hands hurt. Eventually, I couldn’t take