My Mother

Let us call my mother Monique

Jack met my mother, Monique while he was in Northern Québec visiting family.  His father owned a tourist hunting camp far up on the St-Lawrence River.  My mother was from a small village in Northern Québec and 12 years younger than he was.  Monique was raised by two loving and young parents along with her 5 siblings.  

 

Monique left school after 8th grade to work as a cook in a hunting camp.  Monique was a hard worker and absolutely beautiful. My father took an instant liking to her and took her fishing on their first date.  Their courtship was a short one since they lived several hundred kilometers apart.  Monique fell head over heels for her older man, a translator in Toronto, who often traveled.  His life must have seemed very exciting from her point of view.  They married in May of 1969 in Monique's hometown.  On their wedding night Jack told her the truth about his profession.

After the wedding, they settled in a small bungalow with a large lot in a suburb of Toronto. Monique only spoke French and was led to believe there were Communists on every corner ready to kidnap her or harm her.  She was expected to keep the house, have children, and be happy.  She was certainly not allowed to have her own experience.  Monique was a 21 year old virgin when she married Jack.  Monique wasn't allowed to work, earn a driver's license or even use daycare.  This was a woman who left school after 8th grade and worked hard to earn her own money and buy what she wanted when she wanted.  She was used to her independence.

 

My assessment of their relationship has changed a lot over the years.  I used to believe what my father programmed me to believe about her.  After 3 years of intense therapy (I see as deprogramming), I finally see the family dynamic for what it was... unhealthy, isolating, and one-sided.  I see that my mom tried to make things work and bore Jack two children 26 months apart while dealing with postpartum depression alone.  It served Jack's purposes to keep her isolated by a language barrier and not having any friends in a city where her family lived 730 km away.  Jack was free to live his life to the fullest.  Part of being an agent is having several informants.  Most informants are of the opposite sex so you can really cement a trusting relationship through intimacy.  Turns out Jack had a concubine before marrying Monique. He left his concubine the week before his wedding.  I was told the relationship continued along with carrying on with other women... you know.. for intelligence gathering purposes.  Monique became aware of his unfaithfulness at some point in the relationship, but I am not certain when.

My mother taught herself to sew, knit and crochet to make a welcoming home.  She learned English by watching Sesame Street with her children.  Although Monique hadn't really wanted children, she also knew it wasn't entirely up to her because Jack wanted his family name to live on, unfortunately, he had 2 daughters.

 

I think my mother really lost the plot after her in-laws moved in.  She felt judged, scrutinized, and watched.  I remember my mother screaming to be left alone for a moment of peace.  My father really picked on her for this, but I see this now as a cry for help and needing a vacation. She was home alone with two children, judgy in-laws, no friends, a husband who typically worked 16 hours a day with rarely any time off. 

 

Monique eventually did get her driver's license (in secret) and a job (in secret).  Once she found daycare for her children she told Jack about her job and eventually bought herself a car.  I believe her 10 year time spent in my father's happy prison caused  PTSD.  Finally, she snapped.  She left my father one day in early February of 1979 and never looked back.

 

The posts that follow after those in The Early Years: 1974-1979, are everything that happened after their marriage fell apart, along with my insights on how I did see things and how I have come to understand them now.

 

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