Big M wasn't the only narcissist in my house. My
father is one too; I just never saw it until very recently – after an argument,
actually. I also idolized my father growing up because I knew he was the
smartest, the strongest, the most knowledgeable, the most capable, and the most
loving person in my life. I KNEW that for a fact.
My father is a master manipulator. He has this ability
to make me feel guilty, shameful, and somehow responsible for the adults living
in our house. I’ve listed a few such examples below.
1. Guilt Trip Level: Master
Set up: Picture
your father looking very sad and disappointed and this expression is directed
at you when he says “...but I got up early to make sure you had a good
breakfast so you would have a great day at school.”
Reality check: Never in my life was I ever a breakfast person. In fact, eating first thing in the morning always made me feel nauseated and I often felt sick all day. Jack knew full well I did not like to eat breakfast but would guilt trip me on occasion when I let my defenses down. Now I know that my breakfast items made me physically ill because I have food allergies. My parents have never believed in food allergies, and even served me items that caused me anaphylaxis reactions later in life when I visited as an adult and even after specifically providing them a list of items, I cannot eat. Allergies are bullshit I whisper to myself as I swallow several Benadryl after the first incident, and look for my Epi-pen. After the second incident when my dietary restrictions were completely ignored, questioned and ridiculed, I started packing my own food until I stopped visiting all together.
My father will look me straight in the eye and say “but nobody had
allergies when I was a kid, look at me, I don’t have any allergies.”
Me: “Times progress and we learn more thru science; you are allergic to penicillin,
dad.”
Father: "Bah! That’s a medication, food can't make you sick or kill you."
FACTS:
I cannot be in the same room as shrimp. If the oils are released into the air I could die. I was told to avoid all shellfish.
I have a rather severe dairy allergy. In the summer, I mist my cannabis princesses with a 1:4 (milk:water) solution and it physically burns my skin if the mist gets on my arms. I always shower or jump in the pool after this exercise.
I am allergic to green bell peppers.
I am also alle give to Macrobid, a kidney infection medication.
Jack and Maeve believe I made up my allergies because I am an attention-seeker.
2. Blaming Level: Expert
“If your mother hadn't left us, I would not have
needed a woman in our lives to win custody of you and your sister. We would
all be happy and living on the land I bought in the house I built for us.”
3. Shaming Level: Master
His favourite “don't tell anyone what happened to
you as a child, you will drag the family name through the mud. Everyone will
know and your aunt and the entire family will be humiliated. Just don't think about it and stop living
in the past."
4. Negative Comparison Level: Intermediate
I didn't experience this too often, but I do
remember he would say
“Why can’t you be more like your sister?”
“She is so kind and smart. You’re so sarcastic. She works hard at getting over 95% in all her school subjects.”
5. Unreasonable pressure: Expert
“ "We expect you to maintain a 90% average in all subjects.” <--- had Math not been such a struggle I would have. By the time I
was 16 years old, I worked Monday to Friday 3:45 pm to 8:00 pm (4:00 – 9:00 if
it was one of my other 2 part time jobs outside the family business) and
Saturday and Sundays 5:30 am to 8pm (or a normal 9:00 – 5:00 shift if I was at
my part time job). No, I was never allowed to sleep in. I was not paid for working in the family business either. I was told that working would guarantee my post secondary education; I was responsible for my wedding.
6. Manipulative Reward and Punishment
Level: Master
“No you will not go to College, you'll never
succeed as a Chef. You will attend University, or we will not pay for your
education. We also,
in exchange for working, clothe, fees, and shelter you.”
Aren’t parents supposed to clothe, feed, and shelter you?
Spoiler
Alert: I was ghosted by them in my second month of first
year university. I had to emancipate myself in order to quality for OSAP. My
parents were not poor. Ever. My father is the cheapest man on the planet. As an example, he once told me I was unreasonable for refusing to wear worn shitty winter boots (lace-up Cougars) he
found at the city dump.
7. 7. Emotional Coercion Level: Expert
“We are all stuck with her. Just ignore what she
says, she's crazy. Just pray. Pray and God will save us. Pray that we sell the
house.” 
One time I was upstairs in the middle of winter
(probably over March break) with a bucket of Javex and a mop. I was washing the
floors, walls, and ceiling of the smoking room. Dad walked in, with a very
serious look of concern on his face and said: “I really wish you didn’t have to
work so hard. Look at all that you do, up here 12, 14 hours cleaning and
working. Cluck Cluck poor Margeaux. Well, gotta go to the wholesale.” And then he walked away. The ‘reason’ was because we could not
afford to hire staff to do these jobs. Also bullshit because my father is
cheap. Better yet, why didn’t he or Maeve do it? You know why? Maeve never
worked a day upstairs in her life. As soon as we had more than 5 people, she
trained one person, who spent the next 20 years of her life working for the
Narc Duo only to be screwed over a few months before retirement. Maeve is
allergic to work and she’s pretty dumb so it’s for the best she didn’t work
upstairs.
“When she gets like that, DEFEND YOURSELF AGAINST HER!” I was about 11 when he told me this
without any hint on how I was supposed to do that.
Or, ”Maeve will take our money and how and where
will we live?"
Uh huh, apparently he turned down 2-3 offers for the sale of the business over
the years .. because he didn't want to give another woman "half HIS
money"
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