My timeline is a bit screwy after I told because my memories are all jumbled together and it is difficult for me to recall exactly when certain events took place around my child rape. So, bear with me as I recount what happened AFTER I told another adult years after I first told my father. Read about that in my post titled “C3#4 Should I tell him ?” I was in grade 7 (October 1986) when I told Big M about my abuse and father was yanked out of the bush to ‘deal’ with a past situation. When I tell you that he acted worried but unconcerned, I mean it. He also denied my ever having told him I had been abused back in 1981. In grade 7, I was 12 going on 13 years old and very timid. I did not have my own voice because I had been verbally and psychologically beaten into submission over several years of being told I was unimportant; that children should be seen and not heard; that I was a whore, I had no opinion, or none that anyone wanted to hear; and essentially just not good enough. For anyt...

Every October dad goes moose hunting with anyone who has a tag. He was usually fortunate enough to get a tag yearly and if he did not, he would go hunting anyway or catch a moose and then come to town to bring a Native friend to the bush with him so he would not be caught poaching by the Ministry of Natural Resources. Dad never followed hunting rules because he always knew better than the politicians did. In reality, this was dad’s yearly two to three week vacation. I imagine based on what you’ve read so far, you would expect these weeks in October to be horrible for us girls; you would be dead wrong (most of the time). I only remember her being really bad one year, but I digress. On this particular October in 1986 Big M and I bonded; I realize (now) I was the only one bonding. While dad was gone, we went to the grocery store and picked all our favourite foods including lamb since dad hates lamb and we are not allowed to cook it if he is home. We always got a leg of lamb and then ...