I have many random memories that I would like to share, but
I cannot turn them into individual entries because I do not remember enough of
the circumstances but; several of these are hilarious to me.
Random memory #1
I remember our last Christmas at “The Store”. Roxanne and me where not allowed to make noise in the morning we had to stay in
our rooms. Even on Christmas. When I opened the door to my bedroom to use the
bathroom, of course I saw that Santa Claus had come! I ended up convincing my
sister it would be a great idea to quietly open our Christmas presents, while
waiting for daddy and mommy to wake up. I am pretty sure I recall my father
saying he heard me go to the bathroom around 5:30 so when they strolled out of
their bedroom at 8:30 in the morning, they saw us watching TV quietly playing
with our new toys. I was champing at the bit to get outside on to the street’s
tallest snow bank with my brand new plastic skis. Hahaha when I was about 11 or
12 dad bought us proper downhill ski equipment and ski wear.
Fortunately, daddy thought it was really funny that we were
so impatient we did not wait for them to get up. In fairness, I pointed out
that no one told us we had to wait on Christmas morning. Maeve did not say a
word, not that I recall.
Random memory #2
On one cool summer
day, daddy took the family out to a remote and isolated lake to fish and swim.
I remember this because I was excited that daddy was taking us to an island in
the middle of the lake for a picnic! The middle of the lake! We got in the
small aluminum boat and loaded our gear plus lunch baskets. I was wearing
shorts and a t-shirt along with my little Chinese shoes that I loved so much.
We arrived late in the afternoon, of course because it takes
daddy 3 hours to get organized to leave the house on any given day. We arrived
starving and ready to eat! While daddy and mommy start a fire to the make camp tea and
coffee, Roxanne and I walk away to explore the island a little. I remember
being attracted to the blackness of the water at the edge of the island. As I
descended the gradual slope to see if the water was deep and inspect whether I’d
be eaten by a lake shark or something if I did go swimming, I stepped on a wet,
moss- covered rock and slid right into the lake. I scraped the entire back of
my left leg on the rocks as I slid in. I remember it stung like a burn when I hit
the water. Fortunately I was a very strong swimmer so I climbed out of the
water and looked up just in time to see spittle flying out of Maeve’s mouth as
she’s shouting at me for being a fucking stupid asshole and slipping into the
lake. I took my clothes off and daddy dried them by the fire while I sat
wrapped up in one of daddy’s plaid dinner jackets. The entire afternoon had
been ruined by my inconsiderate fall into the lake. Now Maeve was pissed off
because we were waiting for my clothes to dry.
Once we had spent an uncomfortable 3 hours on the island, in
some weird tense silence, daddy picked everything up, headed toward the small
boat and packed up our gear. Daddy sat my sister and I in the boat near the
middle because of Maeve’s heft, he always sat her in the front of the boat so
that it would keep the bow down in the lake and not at a 45-degree angle. Maeve
is waiting to get assistance to get in the boat. Jack tells her to put her foot
on the seat bench and take his hand so he can help her into the boat. Instead,
she placed her foot on the side of the boat, gives Jack half her hand and
freezes. [Who’s the asshole now?] Instead of using her momentum, she pushed the
boat away with her left foot, did not bring her right foot near the boat at all….
and we watched in disbelief as this 420 pound woman, dressed in a ¾ length wool
sweater, with heavy hair down to her waist, perform the splits for us until,
she herself fell into the damn lake. Did anyone yell at her? Of course not. Dad
started shrieking in laughter as he reached under water for his sinking
concubine. He found her hair and grabbed it by a massive handful and pulled her
into the boat. I asked him later why he did not just let her drown. He had not
thought of it was his answer.
So, for several weeks Maeve could not get out bed. Hahahahahaha
both inner thighs were black and blue with bruises. No, I did not then nor do I
now feel bad for her. She deserved it.
Random memory #3
When I was a teenager, around 14 or 15, I learned to forge
Maeve’s signature because she told me to. She could send me to the store with
her credit card and get her anything she needed. This one particular day, she
sent me to the LCBO for vodka. Maeve went through a phase where she drank very
strong stiff Spicy Caesars but was too lazy to take herself down to the store.
I picked up her bottle, yes, I was 15, but when you’re
dressed as an office worker because your parents only buy you grown-up clothes,
you carry a wallet, a purse, and pull out a credit card no one questioned it or
asked for ID. Ever. Not once. After the LCBO I stopped at the local grocery
store for her extra spicy Clamato juice and celery garnish. My duties don’t end
there. Before I head upstairs to work, I have to make her a good stiff drink. This
became my favourite task because if you added a lot of spice she couldn’t taste
the vodka. Often, after just 2 of my drinks she’d be passed out for several
hours so I could leave and hang-out with my friends. Eventually she’d ask me “where
the fuck I had been” and I would say… “don’t you remember? After I made the
second drink I asked if I could go… x,y,z and you said yes, be home by 11.”
On another occasion, I came down from working upstairs and
saw her in the laundry room mirror, face flushed, wild-eyed, hair rather
disheveled, pretending she was a roaring lioness. She was
pretending to scratch her own face in the mirror with her “claws”. She was
hammered. I couldn’t stop laughing. Fortunately she was a riot when she was
drinking and I really like drunk Maeve.
Random memory #4
One day my father wanted to go fishing. Being in the bush
constantly was his dream come true. The women in his life absolutely hated it
but it was the only activity we were going to get. Jack did not allow any of "his" women to have a driver’s license, which included Maeve, Roxanne
and I. In our family Jack decided what activities the family participated in. I
remember asking if we could go camping and he would take us camping in the
middle of the bush with no one around and definitely no showers or electricity. My nightmare on Elm Street. When I asked if we could go camping at a
real campground, he said “why would we do that? We go camping to be alone,
fish, and hunt.” ONCE, when I was about 16 my sister and I were allowed to go
camping by ourselves. I say that, but both mom and dad showed up to ‘check on
us’ so… there’s that.
On this particular day, no one felt like being eaten alive
by mosquitoes on the lake. Fishing is boring anyway; I cannot swim off the boat
so Roxanne and I usually just asked to stay on shore. On this day, Maeve decided
to stay on shore with us and read her book. We were all having a great time to
be honest. There wasn’t another soul around and there had not been anyone
around for several hours. We convinced Maeve to strip to her undergarments and
hop in the lake with us.
Just as she submerged her body, an entire family showed up.
Hoping they were there to use the boat lunch, Maeve tried not to panic and just
bolt out of the water; it was clear they were not all going fishing. Eventually
Maeve did a walk of shame in white bra and panties. Personally, I don’t think
anyone noticed, it just looked like she was in a bikini. However, I also took a
significant amount of joy in her embarrassment.
Random memory #5
Maeve loved to shop. I cut ties with my parents a few years
ago so I don’t know if she still shops as much as she did; but if it was on a
sale rack or just on clearance, inevitably several items would end up in her
basket.
I came home from school one day and she was talking to
herself in the laundry room. I had planned to just ‘streak by quickly’ to avoid
eye contact. Even as a teenager it was a crap shoot to guess what her mood
would be like; it was exhausting being ‘on guard’ all the time – and I mean
either guarding my thoughts so she wouldn’t use them against me; guarding
emotional reactions close to the vest because if I cried, showed disappointment
or any negative emotion it made her happy and fueled her desire to continue. I
wasn’t able to streak by because she heard my bedroom door swing open. I heard
her call my name and ask “what do you think of my hair?” I came out of my
bedroom and saw that her hair was black cherry purple and I as I started to say
“it looks great” my emotions betrayed me and I started to ball, I couldn’t stop
crying. I couldn’t sell that lie. She looked like a real life troll doll, she
had the dye all over her skin – forehead, ears, she looked demented and she
could have passed for an axe murderer. Fortunately for me she thought my
reaction was really funny and hugged me close and told me, while laughing, that
she bought it on the clearance shelf at Woolco. She wasn’t mad, but I had a
panic attack nonetheless.
Random memory #6
When i was 10 we traveled to Toronto for March Break. We stayed in East York with Big M's parents. I loved visiting Toronto because I got to explore a new city. I could take Roxanne on the TTC and hit the mall downtown in search of hookers. I remember being fascinated by the profession and I wanted to see one on a corner. Everyone said Yonge street was where they were, on every street corner, all day every day. I never saw one until I was of legal age and it was not the "madam" I had envisioned in my child's eye. I had more freedom in Toronto than in my hometown. Roxanne and I navigated the TTC bus to the subway to a streetcar then the mall. I didn't need to take the streetcar to get to the mall, but I loved the streetcar and still do.
One night dad took us to see Cats at the Elgin. Maeve loved the production, as did the rest of us. It was well done. I was 11 in March, going on 12 in April of 1986; I did not like musicals then and I do not like them any better today. I will admit that of all the musicals I have seen, Cats was the best one.
The next morning, Big M was talking to her sister, The Queen of Darkness on the telephone and telling her all about the musical. After a pause, Maeve looks over to dad and asks him what the name of the head cat was from last night... dad responds, without looking up from the newspaper, "Big Meow." Maeve repeats this to Iris.
Maeve: "Jack, Big Meow?"
Jack: "Yes, that's right"
Maeve: there's loud jibberish coming thru the phone and she says "Jack, are you sure?" more very loud vulgarities are now spilling out the telephone and Maeve is now getting visibly pissed.
Jack: "Yes, that's right"
Maeve: there's loud jibberish coming thru the phone and she says "Jack, are you sure?" more very loud vulgarities are now spilling out the telephone and Maeve is now getting visibly pissed.
All of a sudden, Jack goes bolting up the stairs in a fit of giggles, followed by loud belly laughter and locks himself in the bathroom.
Maeve is still on the phone, mouth agape watching this as she connects the dots to what just happened. I can clearly hear Iris screeching thru the phone "You stupid fucking bitch" then Maeve hung up on her.
Maeve is a bit stunned (read stupid) and after 3 attempts to lift herself, she uses the final bounce as momentum to heft herself up off the sofa. She's out of breath as she looks up the stairs and begins to stomp to the second floor while screaming "You fucking bastard!"
Dad stayed in the bathroom for at least 45 minutes while she pounded on that door like a toddler who thought it would be a good idea to share his ice cream with an ant colony.
Random memory #7
Inevitably when my parents argued there would be A LOT of "French people are fucking stupid."
Dad got tired of hearing this over the years and one time he walked over to the wall and started flicking the light switch on/off. Maeve got pissed, of course, and started screaming "What the fuck are you doing?"
Jack responds with "French people don't need labels on the light switch. Only the fuckin' English - look, see, it's even written ON/OFF."
OMG I laughed out loud in my bedroom listening to them fight with my ear pressed to the bottom of the door.
Random memory #8
I came home from school one day and walked in to the kitchen after dropping my bag off in my bedroom. Jack and Maeve were sitting at the table across from each other having tea and looking me at weird. I remember glancing down at the table and seeing a black and white image in a magazine (my dad subscribed to Maclean's at the time).
The image will forever be seared in my brain: a large pit of massacred children's bodies. Children's bodies with their moms carelessly thrown into a pit. A pit of bodies: white clothes, black goo (blood) everywhere. Dead babies.
I started to cry in horror at seeing this image. Maeve seemed satisfied at my reaction. Dad reached over, shut the magazine and I remember Maeve saying "Oh, see, she's not a psychopath."
Read from the beginning
Prologue : Family
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