By the end of 10 th grade, Chloé and I were inseparable. She lived in a neighbouring town so we didn’t see each other often on weekends. That summer, I spent a lot of time with Matthieu, Janice, and my cousin Sally came up for a few weeks to visit her Aunt Maeve. I also met a really cute guy and we started dating that June. I couldn’t believe I had a boyfriend, Rick; he was a signer in a band and wrote original songs - inspired by from The Cure and I was IN LOVE! When I met Rick, I noticed my hormones kicking-in to overdrive and I became absolutely obsessed with seeing Rick and spending every waking moment together just hanging out and holding hands. One of our favourite spots was laying down on the reservoir and just watching the clouds go by as we talked, listened to songs on a shared Walkman, smoked cigarettes and drank slushies. He helped me feel very much at ease; he was easy to talk to, attended a different high school so him having a different circle of friends allowed me t...

  It’s been emotionally difficult recounting my mid-teen years because I did not realize just how useful compartmentalization had become in my life until I opened-up my Fil-o-Brain. As I sit here, I’m not sure where I’m going with this post. I want to attempt to demonstrate what it was like to be me in a day. But please remember this was my life and all this was normal. I am legitimately shocked to hear some of your private comments indicating this was beyond horrific. When I say I don’t know how to be normal… I focus really hard on trying to not be an asshole or mean in my daily interactions. I know I'm intimidating and I can be blunt. I just don't play mind games and I like knowing where I stand; and I give others I interact with the same courtesy; which is usually taken wrong. haha Oh, that’s my alarm. 6 am. Time to get up and shower. What am I wearing today? Did I remember to pack my school outfit? I have to hide my makeup in my bag too so I can put that on when I get to ...

In 1989/1990 I started grade 10 along with Chloé; I had another best friend, Matthieu. Matthieu’s dad was a guidance teacher at our high school and he and I shared a love of punk music, down hill skiing, and I had a massive crush on his skater friend, Jason. Jason had it all from my 15-year-old perspective: HOT HOT HOT, long wavy hair, awesome down hill skier, great taste in punk music, but more than that, he had opinions; he was intelligent and I was instantly attracted wanted to listen to him talk and hear about world events from his perspective. Jason, Matt and I hung out all summer of 1990. They taught me how to skate and they taught Chloé and I how to ollie and tic-tac. I am certain that Jason thought I was geeky loser. I was so awkward around him so having Matt and his girl friend Janice as buffer was a huge relief. My first experience with giving consensual oral was with Jason. Janice made me feel super embarrassed when I told her I did not know what to do with the sem...