In high school, I was either really good at a subject or I was not. At the time, I was unaware that I had ADHD. Despite the fact that I remember my father telling me when I was younger that a doctor had told him I was very hyperactive, he dismissed the doctor’s concern and made sure I didn’t eat too much sugar, red food dye, and dark coloured pop. I don’t feel any of these made a difference in my behaviour at all.
What I have learned is that if I enjoy something I will hyper-focus on that topic until I know it inside and out. Chemistry and Biology were always my best subjects and I achieved a 98% and 99% grade average in both classes throughout my high school career (grade 11 and grade 13). The classes that required math I was far less gifted and I typically struggled if it involved Calculus. I enjoyed Physics in grade 11 I remember achieving an 89% grade point average but in grade 13, I hadn’t get taken Calculus so that Physics grade was only 79%.
Math… I hated math with a passion. I hated it because I wasn’t good at it. I was incapable of wrapping my brain around many of the concepts. If something had a formula I could use, my chapter grade would be high 90%, but when the class progressed, despite my best efforts, and I actually did study for math, I ended up barely passing. I remember going to my teacher almost every day at lunch for homework help, I truly worked my butt off, but it was like a black hole in my mind. It did not matter how many times a concept was explained to me; my brain was Teflon and simply would not retain the information. I know now I have a learning disability. Had my parents taken notice, like a normal parent would, perhaps they would have sent me to a doctor, but failing math isn’t the same as physically dying so no doctor for me.
After I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, medication has made my life at least 45% easier. That’s really HUGE difference; one that would have been a game changer for me as a kid. One month after my diagnosis, my son was diagnosed and he now has an IPRC – essentially, he’s been identified as a student with a learning disability and someone who needs indirect support. To assist him with academic success, he will be provided concessions for schoolwork, one of those is a special laptop that allows him to record his class instruction so he doesn’t get caught up trying to take notes and pay attention at the same time. In addition, the computer will allow him to have his schoolwork read back to him AND he can dictate his schoolwork to the computer. He is also medicated. His life has completely turned around this year. He went from hating class to loving class. He was typically a B student and with these tools, he’s now an A+ student with no other changes made to his routine. How amazing is that! I wish my parents had done that for me instead of calling me an asshole or stupid.
I met Yvon in my last year of high school. We had known each other from the French high school but he was a year ahead of me. He had already attended one year of university and didn’t do so well resulting in his parents sending him back to complete an extra year of high school. Yvon wanted to be an engineer. I had met Charles when I had transferred to the English school. Charles was shy and brilliant. He never had a girlfriend and I suspected that perhaps he wasn’t interested in girls. I didn’t really care to be honest, he was a nice guy. My parents were the only ones who cared about what other people did with their private time…. It’s not something I ever cared about.
One time, Charles came over to help me study for grade 13 (Advanced) Physics. I still hadn’t taken Calculus so I didn’t understand many of the formulas or how to apply them. Charles went through the entire Physics book and highlighted what he felt would be covered on the exam. I paid very close attention because at the time, I wanted to apply to Dalhousie University and maybe become a Marine Biologist if I couldn’t get in to the Chef school program; or maybe I’d apply to Pharmacy in Saskatchewan. I had a long term plan… to get out of this house, go to school as far away as possible, disappear and never ever look back.
But first, I need the grades to get the fuck out of The North and my math grade was definitely a problem no matter how much or how hard I studied… I just sucked at it. All my other classes were easy… I did the work but I never ever studied; the facts just never left my head. To achieve this goal, I needed a tutor.
I remember inviting Charles over and I knew I wasn’t allowed to have boys over, but he was my friend helping me study for an exam so I really didn’t think it would be a big deal. We were in the living room sitting on the sofa, doors open, I wasn’t hiding and I wasn’t attracted to Charles. I don’t think Big M knew he was there until our lesson was nearly over.
She came barging into the living room probably looking for me and noticed Charles. I saw the wild look in her eyes and my stomach went right thru my body and into the basement of our house. SHIT.
Big M: What’s he doing here?
Me: Helping me study for my Physics exam
Big M: There will be NONE OF THAT IN THIS HOUSE! YOU WILL NOT BE GETTING PREGNANT! NO KISSING, NO SEX!
She turns on Charles who’s eyes are the size of saucers as I’m helping him pack his bag and I try to quietly say “thanks, I’ll see you at school, I’m sorry, she’s crazy.”
I’m not sure he heard me because Big M was still ranting about sexual acts that were” NOT GOING TO HAPPEN IN THIS HOUSE!” Charles left and I went to my room.
The following evening, Roxanne and I were studying in the living room, quietly together. After a few hours, we needed a change of scenery so we started teasing each other. Roxanne is super ticklish and she hated it when I licked her glasses… so I pinned her down on the living room floor, placed my knees on her wrists and tickled her until she could barely breathe, then just as I was licking her glasses to gross her out, in comes C.I. No2
Big M: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE? GET OFF HER! THERE WILL BE NONE OF THAT LICKING AND SUCKING GOING ON IN THIS HOUSE!
Like… holy shit… what the hell is going on? Roxanne and I are looking at each other sideways without moving our heads, confused.
Big M: NONE OF THIS LESBIAN BULLSHIT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN THIS HOUSE! Apologize to your sister!
Ohhh she’s looking at me. I’m a lesbian now. I thought I was a whore who was boy crazy? Probably not a good time to point that out…
When she makes us apologize to one another we always have to say “sorry” and hug it out. Except this time.
Big M: DON’T HUG HER! Shake hands.
I couldn’t wait to get to my bedroom so I could laugh my ass off. Lesbians? Seriously? What did her and her sister, The Queen of Darkness do when they were younger? Who comes up with this shit?
I should have suspected that having any boy over regardless of sexual orientation would make her go crazy, but I just wanted to do well in school. It wasn’t like I’d announced that my future husband would be a curly haired ginger like my friend Charles… I learned my lesson after I told her I was going to marry a Black man.
When I got home, I proudly announced that when I was all grown up, I’d marry a black man.
HOLY SHIT!
Big M: If you ever bring a n!gger home to this house you can move out. If you get pregnant with a black baby, don’t even bother coming home you don’t live here anymore.
Later I tried to ask what was wrong with Black people? Her answer .. I’m not repeating it. My father told me she was racist and to ignore her. I never mentioned another race ever again. Her absolute crazy and unhinged reaction was terrifying. I didn’t understand how she could hate an entire race of people she never met. She hates Filipinos too.
Just joining me? Start at the beginning:
Comments
Post a Comment
Thank you!