So, remember how I said and feel I have demonstrated that I was über responsible my entire life? Yeah, so as soon as I was allowed out of the house to hang out with my friends and given a midnight curfew, I went absolutely crazy. I made more new friends, these were my ‘party friends.’ Some liked to go to the bar dancing, some liked to just hang out at home in their basement. I befriended as many people as I possibly could so I would always be out on Friday and Saturday night, but I was also trying to find my ‘person’, I needed a best friend.
One thing all the adults had taught me in life is that drinking and getting drunk is fun and what you do to unwind. For years, Jack would nip a few sips here and there from his closet bar; when Big M felt his drinking was excessive they would have yelling matches then Big M would order us to start monitoring the booze levels. I used to do this by using one of those white sewing pencils, to this day, I doubt Jack knew we even did this. He drank A LOT. His poison has always been vodka straight up, red wine, or brandy. Big M loves her vodka and spicy Caesars; but her true love is pot.
Jack does not allow Maeve pot for any reason so she usually only smokes it with her mean friends when he’s on his yearly hunting trip. For a professed ‘hippie’, she doesn’t even know how to roll a joint – she has to have her friends do it for her. I wanted nothing to do with any of it, I remember Jack taking me upstairs so I could see what drugs do to someone and I was fine with her dying while I watched.
I spent several months drunk every Friday and Saturday; and by drunk, I mean blackout, stumbling home drunk; sometimes vomiting along the way. Several times, I’m certain I had alcohol poisoning because the entire outline of my lips would sometimes look greenish-grey. My sister would cover for me if I’d been out to a formal school dance by whisking my dress to the dry cleaner if my room smelled like a 'Mexican Brewery'. Other times, the residents covered for me by hiding me in their beds so I could sleep off the drink from the night before. Usually I could get up, power thru breakfast, take a ton of painkillers – whatever prescription I found in the cupboard, down a slim fast shake, have a nap and be good as new in 2 hours. I still worked 40 hours a week, occasionally did homework, and still maintained a decent average of 87% without even trying.
I felt the need to not only make up for feeling like I’d been under everyone’s thumb, constantly watched, always judged, and never allowed to be “me” or find out what “I liked”; but I also needed to cram as much fun into a single evening because I knew, my freedom would end just as suddenly as it had been granted. Big M was very mercurial, she could just flip a personality switch, and my life would be over. I needed memories to relive in my brain and I was determined to make several….
- Filling water bottles with vodka for an afternoon at school…. Why? To see if I could get away with it… I heard that vodka was undetectable… not quite, I nearly got caught but fortunately dad saw I had mouthwash in my bag and assumed that was what he smelled and Roxanne made sure to sit in the middle seat.
- Joined the gym with plans to join the military and escape my life, but partying eventually got in the way and my parents found out a 16 year old cannot sign a contract… so they paid for the remainder of my year’s membership.
- I met older high school boys at the gym so being told I was now ”working upstairs for free until I repaid the membership” didn’t matter one bit because they didn’t pay me anyway, they would be paying my post secondary education.
- I heard graveyards were smelly and spooky so one time while Jack was out, I made Maeve a really heavy drink, walked out the door with 2 guys I barely knew to go to the ‘movies’ and ended up in the graveyard with my mickey of vodka having a very heavy petting session in the cemetery. Came home trashed. Nobody noticed.
- I went to so many parties where I knew nobody just because I wanted to be out of my house. Everyone likes the person who brings alcohol and I never once was asked for ID so I always had coolers.
- I quickly moved on from coolers to lemon gin because the label said if you drink it straight, you can go blind. I never went blind. I just didn’t want to work so much all the time.
- I met one of my boyfriends at someone’s strange apartment party… I was having a drink, I decided I needed a cigarette so I walked over to the balcony and before anyone could say anything at all, I stepped out and fell 2 stories in the pitch darkness; apparently the balcony was being replaced. I did not break anything. I started dating the guy I met that night.
Trevor and I were friends from high school, he was popular and a basketball player. His father’s construction company had been the one who had completed the work on our house after the fire. I was certain that finally, at least my parents would approve of one of my friend since they owned a business. I found out my father felt that Trevor’s dad was a crook. I didn’t ask why, I felt it was best to just not say anything further. It was a good plan, Jack didn’t find out until my last year of high school who Trevor was. In the meantime, I got to spend many a Friday night with Trevor, his friends, hanging at his grandparent’s house drinking Baby Duck and playing cards. I really loved those low key evenings. Yes, I still got hammered. I had absolutely no idea how to drink responsibly or how to even find/test for a limit. My personality was pretty much ‘pedal to the metal’ and I lived every moment like it was my last.
I shut out all the words my parents spewed at me, decided they were both idiots and I’d be figuring out my own stuff now.
I was grounded a lot. I probably deserved it… but I really deserved better parents.
Just joining me? Start at the beginning:
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