Each chapter that is being updated, is linked back to my original post's page so you can re-read the posts before or after you read the truths.
Truths, Lies, and Guesses - Prologue:Family
My father
owned four apartment buildings by the time has was 21 years old. No mortgages. In
addition, he owned his house in The South. Jack didn’t work enough to
accomplish that. The family has had many years to ask questions. The Guess is
that Jack was a fixer, the KGB needs all types of unsavoury people and it would
be an easy way for him to fit in. He is an excellent sharpshooter. He was a bodyguard/enforcer/bouncer and 'fixing' people's problems would not be far off his personality. Even Monique believes this to
be most likely true and even if it is not, she knows he is capable; and I admit
that it is the theory that makes the most sense. Remember, to this day, Jack's own family were never told what he truly did for a living. They believed he was a translator who would moonlight as a bodyguard or bouncer.
Jack really does only
care about himself. He never worries about hurting others, even as a kid I would
often ask if he was worried about hurting people and he always said “No way.” I would ask him this specifically after he would "train" me to physically hurt people if I were attacked (how to break someone's trachea, I was encouraged to dig eyeballs out with my fingers regardless of the consequences to the other person); I always felt this was excessive even if someone did want to harm me; I was told to attack, maim, kill, and not stop until the attacker isn't moving.
On their wedding night, in early May 1970, the happy couple headed to their room and when they opened the door, there were three RCMP officers sitting on the sofa. Monique was told to sit down in the chair across from them, Jack sat in the other chair close to his superiors.
Monique was informed that her new husband was not a translator, but in fact a spy for the RCMP. They told her that he was involved with another woman and had been for the past 10 years and that this was expected to continue, now and in the future; and yes, there were and would be other women. It was his job and this was just a part of it. She could never tell anyone about what they told her this night, she had no choice but to accept it and keep her mouth shut – essentially; she’d have to ‘deal’ with the many girlfriends and what she wanted didn’t matter because his job was Top Secret and our country mattered more than just the two of them.
Truths, Lies, and Guesses – Chapter 1:The Early Years 1974-1979
Jack was
rarely home and Monique had been begging him to just take an early retirement
so they could begin the dream life they had planned. Jack had purchased land in
The North and he had the plans professionally drawn to their dream home. Monique insisted that
she had had enough and they needed to focus on their family. Jack insisted he
had to complete his 25 years of service and he was less than three years
away. Jack then started telling Monique that he would like them to have a third child, a son to carry on his
family name. Monique refused because she felt disrespected and
unheard when she told him she was miserable and they all needed to
start their life anew. Jack was only interested in what he wanted and his life goals.
Monique was saving the money she had been earning working so she could purchase her own car and leave my father. The morning she decided to save us from our father, she flew herself, my sister, and I back to Northern Québec to stay with her parents for a while. My father eventually found her and maman (mom in French) was concerned because he wanted to come up North to see her there.
Maman decided to return to The South. Derrick and Sheila happily helped her relocate to an apartment in The South with her daughters. Yes, the same Derrick who had been and was my father’s partner. He and Sheila were not divorced, my mother and he did not have an affair; in fact, they found Monique her own apartment in their building and we stayed with them until maman got the keys to her place.
Yes, she did hand us over to Jack at the mall, as I remembered.
I do not remember getting on an airplane or living with my grandparents before
returning to The South. Derrick’s family did not own a global corporation
either. Everything my father told me was a lie. I don't believe the story he told about renting a different car every day just to troll The City to find us; he already knew where we were. I do not believe that he confronted his Superiors over Derrick.
All the Separation papers I found in the basement (I incorrectly thought they were Divorce papers); had definitely been left there so I would find them one day. I’m glad it was when I was in my early 30s. I took them home with me after a visit to make copies, file, and save to read later.
When I read them, what I remember doing is refusing to allow my discovery to plant a seed; that discovery, back then was that all the “Witness” statements had been typewritten on Jack’s typewriter. All the words and terms were exactly Jack’s; the only differences were the witness signatures.
The signatures were family and our neighbour. When I read the statements, I ignored everything but the words I was reading. Now, I wonder if the candy was Gravol so that I would not be able to report everything I heard and saw; I could nap and Monique could have a bit of privacy to plan her escape.
Let that sink in.
My personal guess is that the letter my father often referred to over the years, was a letter handwritten to him by my grandmother. She had been keeping a record of all my mother’s "transgressions". Now, before we all rush to crucify anyone, Jack was a spy and is still a master manipulator. He recruited my grandmother and he recruited me from the time I was 3 years old to watch and report verbatim to him my mother’s actions. He did it later in life with Maeve. My father was pleased to always know every detail of my mother’s daily activities; I was his little spy and he would proudly tell Monique “Margeaux told me.”
In this case, I believe that my father transcribed that letter into
three witness statements and asked them to witness it and, essentially, lie to
something they had not witnessed themselves. For Gary, I believe he did it because Jack most
likely promised him visitation and summer vacations with Roxanne and me. But mostly, without those 'statements' he would have certainly lost custody.
Truths, Lies, and Guesses – Chapter 2:Protector 1979-1981
When Monique found out we were no longer with Jack but now in The North she petitioned the court for Divorce in Québec. The strategy they decided on would be to ask for custody of the youngest because the oldest always follows. Jack didn’t even bother to show up at the Québec court; Monique lost her custody bid for Roxanne because she did not yet have a long term steady job; but she did get monthly visitation and NOTHING ELSE; she was not required to send support payments because Jack wanted absolutely nothing and stated he would provide everything for his daughters.
When Monique received a phone call from Anna one day telling her she should be at home with her husband and children; Monique told her that she had valid reasons for leaving him. Anna also told Monique to speak to her husband about the children because they couldn’t stay there much longer. Monique told her that she had tried twice for custody of the girls and both times she lost and that Anna had to discuss things with her brother herself.
During the Divorce, the only thing she wanted, aside from her daughters, was 50% of the marital home. She spent a lot of time making it theirs and homey and wanted her half. Her lawyer told her she had every right to half the apartment buildings also, but she was only interested in the family home. She got $50,000; with it, she purchased a house free and clear, a car, and paid her lawyers fees. My father doesn’t even know the true amount, he keeps telling me it was $30,000. Proof that he just wanted to screw her over for abandoning him and making him “look bad” in front of who – his other girlfriends? My mother says no, he’s just that narcissistic.
When I told Jack at The Store that, “When I lived with Aunt Anna, Uncle Bruno used to touch me when he and I were naked. It happened a lot.” My father later changed the narrative, despite the fact that I always held to my original memory; by saying I never told him, and eventually only admitting that I said “Uncle Bruno was naked in front of me.”
TRUTH: I told maman the exact same thing after Jack told me to stop watching so much television and he said something else, which at the time, I couldn't remember but the remainder of the memory has since come back to me. Monique admitted that after I told her I had been molested, I also added that if Jack discovered she knew she would never see us again for visitation because that’s what dad had promised. I believed it with 100% certainty.
I now remember him saying that if I told anyone, the Children's Aid would take us away from him and we would never ever see our parents again and that most likely my sister and I would be separated in care. Forever. That is the kind of my man my father is. Heartless and only caring about himself. I swore my mother to secrecy and she never revealed it. Ever. It allowed her to understand when my father tried to manipulate her later.
Truths, Lies, and Guesses – Chapter 3:Pre-Teen Years 1981-1987
One day Monique called The Store to solidify the weekend arrangements only to hear Maeve pick up the phone. Once Maeve realized it was Monique, she said, “That stupid ass. He wasn’t supposed to be there”. Maeve was referring to Gary that he wasn’t supposed to show up to the Separation hearing and the implication is that he is the reason my father won custody. In that moment, Monique realized that Maeve wanted Monique to have custody of her daughters because Maeve didn't want anything to do with us at all.
Unfortunately, I’ve also come to see my father as a psychopath and I absolutely understand that he only ever cared about winning, taking away my mother’s joy for leaving him, punishing her, and making her pay for the humiliation he felt when she left him. He did not care that Maeve did not want to raise us; the only important thing was that Monique would be unhappy. Jack didn’t care about anyone's feelings, he now had a woman to raise his kids (he told me this several times when I asked why Maeve lived with us - that if he didn't have a woman in his life he would have lost custody). He was free to troll the neighbourhood and do his own thing.
He watched
Maeve abuse us and never left her when he had the opportunity or when she told
him it was over. Instead, he manipulated her into staying and believing his
lies. Meanwhile dad was manipulating his daughters into believing we were all
her victims and helpless to save ourselves. He led me to believe this was our private war, us against her and we had to win to save ourselves; while trapped with her in a house that just wouldn't sell. I believed that, 100%. That's why he would always call my sister and I together at night - to pray that we would one day sell the house, the business, and live happily every after.
I also discovered that Mr. Norman, his family, Bruno and Dale all had a proclivity for loving children a little too much and that this fact was never much of a secret. Based on Jack’s reaction when I told him I was molested, his lack of a reaction and absolute lack of empathy leads me to believe with 99% certainty he already knew and believed I’d been molested, he just didn’t care and he absolutely did expect me to carry that secret to my grave. I don’t think he expected to have a daughter with a strong desire to protect others. Even Anna, when she called Monique to tell her that her kids couldn’t stay with her any longer, and that alternate arrangements had to be made, knew her husband was abusing us all.
Let all that sink in.
Later, maman would visit us after we had moved to The House, we loved going to the local hotel because it had an indoor pool, it was centrally located, and the restaurant was super fancy! On at least one occasion, Jack sent spies to the restaurant and then called Monique later to tell her that his children had misbehaved by being too loud. Monique replied with something along the lines of “So what, they’re children and they’re excited and they want to tell me everything all at once.”
So, yes my
loving daddy KNEW and did BELIEVE I had been molested and didn’t care because it would upset his life so he decided to
pretend it never happened, that I never told him until I told Maeve in 1986 (because he told me to forget it and never think about it again). Yup, he let us continue to visit that house of horror to be French kissed by a
pervert and never even bothered to keep his eye on us; turned his back. I know he believed me because after I told him, he called Monique and stated he was not comfortable with my stepdad sharing a room with his daughters - he might do something improper!
He
allowed us to be victimized by his Bedwarmer, fully knowing she hated children,
she hated Monique, she hated his daughter. Obviously, she thought they
would have a single life with the children visiting them occasionally. I have MASSIVE black holes in my memory, but
I do remember having a few wooden spoons broken across my hands and my
ass by Maeve. I also very much remember her beating me when I was younger. She stopped once I got older or she got Lupus because I believe she knew that even at age 12, I could have beaten her up and I would not have stopped until she wasn't moving. Just like dad taught me, because yes, I did and fully admit I hated her, but I didn't recognize that intense rage as hate, yet. Although I also must admit that now, I don't feel much toward her anymore; I worked it out in therapy. My father on the other hand....
Monique
recently recounted a story that I don’t remember, I told her I had fallen and that no, I wasn't taken to see doctor, but
during a scheduled visit she took me to the emergency room because my ribs were
so sore I wasn't able to sleep on my side, and they had been sore for quite some time. I did not have bruises nor were my
ribs inflamed; the ER doctor told maman that I likely had broken my ribs but
they were obviously healing and would continue to be tender to the touch for
some time. I wish maman remembered the time of year; if it was winter, I
definitely broke my ribs coughing so Big M wouldn’t yell at me… otherwise, I doubt I fell.
Just joining me? Start at the beginning:
Comments
Post a Comment
Thank you!