Receiving my license to produce is what saved my life. I had two suicide plans I was prepared to execute. Having ADHD probably saved my life too. In June 2019, I had suicide weighing heavily on my brain and I wasn’t able to escape the feelings or belief that my family would be better off if I were dead. My parents hated me and at least I could secure my family’s financial future by cashing in on several life insurance policies. To get my thoughts under control, so I could obsess about something else, I rationalized that all moods and situations are temporary and that if I still felt the same in February 2020 I would commit suicide. No, I’m not sharing my method, it’s private and it’s still my back up plan when life kicks me in the groin on an on-going basis. I have a winter suicide plan, but I also have summer plan. I’m hyper-organized and I live my life compartmentalizing it; but my brain also needs several back-up plans otherwise hypervigilance gives me insomnia.
In the summer of 2019, I had four plants planted directly in the soil because my production license was for indoor only. I have two loves in my life: my in ground pool and my princesses (“Po-Po” for Pool and Pot). Ever since I was 9 years old, I swore I would buy a house with an in ground pool and I did at age 33. I bought my first house: 2250 sq. ft., four bedrooms, low maintenance, in an ideal neighborhood, close to all the schools. We moved in on July 27, 2007 when I was 8 months pregnant with Mazarine, my first baby.
During the summer of 2019, I needed
something to look forward to; I tended my garden for 40 minutes every day. Aside
from that, I spent most of my time indoors and depressed. This was definitely
contrary to my normal sun worshipping self. I didn’t even get a tan that year.
If you know me in real life, you know this seems impossible. I also spent a lot
of time outside smoking cannabis, in my own backyard, sometimes out front while
admiring my beautiful perennial garden. I only left my house to attend weekly
therapy sessions with a psychologist, to see my oncologist, psychiatrist, or
for bloodwork.
Isolation
was definitely my comfort zone. As a kid, I solved all my problems alone and
when I struggle in life now, I prefer to deal with it alone. I don’t like to be
touched, hugged, or spoken to; in fact I’ll probably bite your head off if you
interrupt my mental process. Until I can figure out what’s happening to me I
need everyone to ignore me. They say this is a trauma response because children like me, survived this
way. I really didn’t want to talk to anyone at all. I had sent my parents some
pretty angry letters demanding answers for their past actions, or lack thereof,
and then cut them out of my life while I sorted through the vomit on the walls
inside my brain. I was only able to identify fragments of memories, like
flashes but I couldn’t find the other portion that matched that memory’s
flashback, and I needed to re-file my entire life in order to make sense of my feelings
and my experiences. Easier said than done especially when you keep experiencing
panic attacks for seemingly no reason and flashbacks – not necessarily in that
order.
The 40 minutes I spent in my garden every day gave me tremendous joy and those four plants kept me from committing suicide. I invited my neighbour, Karen over to learn about this plant that would immediately relieve migraines, my surgery pain, IBS pain, etc. Karen is a tobacco smoker and I also explained that CBD could help her quit smoking. Karen and I have lived next door to one another since 2007; she loved having my kids over as her and her husband never had children. She and I were always friendly, but I never considered us friends. There was something about her that was off, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. That summer she learned what not to do to cannabis. I only harvested 6 oz. from four plants because my soil is clay.
She seemed very eager
to learn more, which was refreshing because the neighbours to the East were
absolute assholes and complained constantly about the smell from my smoking in
my backyard. They even installed an incredibly bright light on the front of
their home so it would shine INSIDE my house and trigger migraines, which also
triggered my PTSD. When we asked for it to be blacked-out (on the portion
facing our property) preventing light from shining inside our home, the
homeowner rudely stated that because we smoke cannabis the light is staying on;
then he installed an even brighter LED.
The
summer of 2020, I increased and split my prescription to allow me to grow 12
outdoor and 55 indoors. I purchased 5-gallon pots and grew my cannabis princesses
in hopes of supplying my entire year’s supply. During my breakdown, I was using
6 oz. a week, which was too expensive, and I began making tincture with pounds
of cannabis shake purchased from MOMs and over proof alcohol sourced from
Québec. The summer of 2020, Karen started asking more and more intrusive
questions, which triggered my PTSD all over again, such as:
1. How do you know
when they’re ready?
2. What happens if you
pull them out of the ground before they’re ready?
3. Can you cut it down
when it’s not ready?
4. How much are they
worth?
5. Can someone just
cut them and plant them somewhere else?
6. Can you just pull
it out of the ground and plant them somewhere else?
7. How much can you
sell that plant for?
8. How much would
someone pay for an entire plant?
9. What do males do?
And
so on, it made me incredibly nervous since her brother is a known drug dealer.
I decided to keep her closer than normal, following the old adage “Keep your
friends close and your enemies closer”. The summer of 2020 allowed me to
harvest four pounds from 12 plants, which was still not enough for my yearly
use. I use 3 oz. a week on average plus edibles; there are 16 oz. to a pound. I
grew indoor by making clones from my outdoor strains and ended up with a severe
aphid infestation which decimated nearly all my plants and that year my indoor
yield was crap.
I renewed my production license in September 2020 and increased my allowance to 15 oz. per month. I realized I needed much larger containers and purchased food grade barrels on Facebook Marketplace at a cost of $15/barrel delivered; I ordered 15. I placed the barrels in my backyard to deal with in the spring of 2021. Within an hour, Karen was on the phone demanding to know what I planned to do with the barrels. I told her I would be growing trees next year because I couldn’t afford my prescription at $375/oz. from a licensed producer in Canada. Not to mention the cannabis I was purchasing wasn’t quite cutting it. There was (and still is) a lack of high THC hybrids in dispensaries and that is what I use to treat my migraines, insomnia, PTSD, and ADHD symptoms. It also helps me eat because in 2022 four years after surgery, I still don’t eat much at all, I average one meal a day and that’s a generous allowance.
My
husband, Mr. GQ cut all the barrels in half and drilled 6 large drain holes in
the bottoms of each barrel half. Next, I put landscape cloth at the bottom of
each of the barrels and filled them with HP Promix soil. I had started my seeds
in February 2021 and my princesses were already 3 feet tall, had been topped,
and were ready for outdoors. I also installed two security cameras: one in the
front and one in the back because I no longer trusted Karen. She often had
parties in her yard and would permit anyone to video and take pictures of my
plants without permission. Even I know how to find where someone lives from the
digital information embedded in a photo if location is turned on. After her
line of questioning the previous summer, my PTSD had been triggered and I
wasn’t sure how to proceed. I still didn’t trust myself, my feelings, and I
struggled with boundaries, as in I didn’t have any. I didn’t want to be rude,
impolite, or seem like a bitch so I ended up a doormat.
By
now, 15 plants in approximately 50 - 60 Litres of soil took 90 minutes of
tending per day. I was loving life in 2021; I had a great tan, the weather was
fantastic, we had purchased three praying mantis eggs to protect from Japanese
Beetles, and any other pests wanting to destroy my crop. The praying mantis
ended up protecting the entire neighborhood and everyone’s grass looked much
healthier. Karen seemed to have settled down and was less aggressive; which was
good for me because I had a new fight on my hands. You can read about that in
the post titled How I got cannabis haters to grow weed, VOLUNTARILY!
At
the end of August 2021, Karen sent me these texts over my garden. I called her
bluff and sent a realtor over to her home. Karen informed the realtor she had
no intention of moving and to get off her property. That fall, I harvested enough for my entire year's allowance. I intend to do the same with my 2022 harvest.
I thought I was done with Karen after that exchange, but I finally realized she is a narcissist and very similar to Big M. I couldn’t believe it took me this long to work it out. It was the texts at the end of August that made me see her for who she really is and I put up a boundary, which she did not and still does not like. She had all fall and winter to plan her revenge at my rejection of her. I was unaware she told everyone on the street we were best friends. She was most certainly not. I was friendly with her and shared information to educate her on cannabis to make her an ally. She is a hard core tobacco smoker and quite frankly, my entire neighbourhood prefers the scent of marijuana over tobacco.
April
1st, Karen had her husband Kyle erect a “fuck you” structure,
effectively blocking us from accessing our own backyard. You know as well as she knows, I’ve survived a house
fire and seeing the space they left us to walk through amped up my anxiety
and triggered my PTSD something fierce. (Karen's father was a Fire Chief so I know she did it on purpose.) We called the Town and were informed we
were powerless; if Karen wanted, she could erect a fence. It was up to us to
figure out where the property line was too.
We decided to have the land surveyed ($1,130) and contacted several companies in April. We were told the earliest they could send someone would be end of May to mid-June. All our spring clean up work had to be done by carrying dirt and such through the house since that tiny space wouldn’t even allow for a wheelbarrow. They thought it was hilarious.
Meanwhile,
I had planned to replace the fence on the division line and pay for the entire
work myself including removal of the old fence. In mid-April Karen, Kyle, and
DB (Karen’s ex-boyfriend, who is now best friends with Kyle, I call him
their ‘third’) decided they would attempt to illegally enter our yard under the
guise of repairing the wood fence. This wood fence is not a privacy fence and after
the events last summer, the photos and videos her friends and family take of my
private property, I decided to forgo a wood fence altogether. In truth, that
was always my plan because Karen always has her nose in my yard. After the “fuck
you“ structure, I decided to install a privacy fence directly in front of the
existing wood fence and extend it down between the houses by 20 feet.
After refusing them entry to my yard to repair the fence because they did not provide me with two weeks written notice via registered mail as stipulated in the Town’s By-Law, they hatched a plan to destroy my medical cannabis. Also stipulated in the By-Law is the requirement they provide 2 weeks written notice via registered mail to complete any work on a boundary line, which they did not do when they erected their structure.
During this period, we’ve been very careful to not engage them,
while they call us names, harass us, and try to intimidate us. We moved our
pool equipment to the garage and had to have our pool heater capped and removed
because I could not afford $6,000 to have it relocated. I paid $630 instead and
reminded my children that the neighbour seems to be at war with a 13 and 14
year old. The pool, after all, is for the kids. It’s been a cold summer so they’ve
been in the pool once and it’s already July. Next year I hope to install a boiler and never have to worry about it again.
Once the heater was removed the Fuck You structure disappeared! Huh! Interesting isn’t it? In early May, and in retaliation for not allowing them to repair the fence, I heard Karen discussing her decision to grow male cannabis plants to destroy my medical garden. I assumed she knew I could hear her since her kitchen window was open and she knows full well my two sources of joy are Po-Po in addition to the cannabis literally being my reason to live and not commit suicide. I was incredibly hurt, confused, sad, and pissed. My medical garden is worth more than $200,000.
I grow my own high THC, high resin, premium medical strains. You bet your ass
my PTSD is on high alert right now. I just wanted my privacy. I don’t understand why
she has decided to mount this vendetta against us. I literally haven’t spoken
to her since September, via text. I decided to take this with a grain of salt
assuming she wanted me to freak out. I ignored it. A few weeks later a
neighbour approached us saying her intent was to grow four male plants to ruin
my medical cannabis garden and force me to move. Fireworks Friday is tomorrow.
I have installed a third camera in the corridor between the two properties as I
anticipate Karen and Kyle collectively going bat-shit when they read the signs I
purchased to affix to MY fence on MY side of the property
line:
Once
I saw the cannabis plants arrive on her back porch, I contacted several
lawyers to see what could be done if she grows male plants with the malicious
intent of destroying private property. Essentially, I was advised to move, not
because I’m in the wrong, on the contrary, not only are my rights being
violated, I am being threatened and harassed by two neighbours. I have
legitimate litigation cases and the lawyers I spoke to are quite certain I
would win against my neighbours AND the Town. The issue is that litigation in
this country is very very expensive; although I would win a judgement, it would
financially bankrupt me. Fingers crossed that her baby plants are female and that she has NO IDEA how to identify male from female. I'm not sure my anxiety can handle her attacking my joy this way.
Side Note Karen has slandered all the neighbours on the street over the years. It's also one of the reasons I need a privacy fence because I'm not so stupid as to think my name is not garbage with anyone who will listen to her nonsense.
Medical
growers in Canada are continually harassed by municipalities, neighbours,
and others because there are no enforceable laws to resolve these issues, the only choice is to sue. The legalization
of cannabis in this country still has a way to go and people need to be
educated about a PLANT, a non-toxic PLANT. I found a wonderful lawyer willing
to help me, he’s well respected, wrote a text book called Canada’s Cannabis
Act, and has generously offered to provide advice as I ask strangers to
please donate to a litigation fund for Medical Cannabis patients growing their
own who are verbally attacked, harassed, and being intimidated by PEOPLE,
governments, and communities. This is unacceptable. If tobacco smokers have the
right to kill themselves with poison, why do people, who are alive today because
of a PLANT have to endure more abuse as they try to heal and get well. I do not want
to move I love my house and due to my severe abuse as a child, I need this
stability; I cannot uproot my life. This is not an option for me.
This
is my proposition. I would like to set up my blog to allow readers, to donate
$1 or more per post you read, to assist those of us in need of litigation to defend
ourselves. Medical patients grow because we cannot afford the high cost of our
prescriptions and we certainly cannot afford $150,000 for litigation to end up
recovering $80,000. Are there any generous, kind strangers who see this as a
worthy cause? Does anyone have any ideas on how I could collect the funds for
use while not paying an incredible amount in fees for users? Please, reach out
to me via comment or email: dontshamethefamily@gmail.com
I
invite you to research the podcasts of Mr. Russell Bennett, the author of the
above mentioned text book and legal cannabis warrior.
Mr. Bennett’s law firm: Cannabis Law
Link to Mr. Bennett’s podcast: Cannabis Law in
Canada:
“Cannabis
Law in Canada is a long-format interview podcast featuring in-depth discussions
with cannabis lawyer Russell Bennett and cannabis industry and legal experts to
uncover the realities of the new laws, their impact on business and suggestions
for change.”
Information
on litigation financing: Article
on Canadian Lawyer Mag
Read my next post on How I got cannabis haters to grow weed, VOLUNTARILY! , coming in the next few days.
Read from the beginning:
Chapter 1: The Early Years
Chapter 3: Pre-Teen Years 1981-1987
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