My first 2 years of University were plagued with bladder infection after bladder infection and the odd kidney infection. I had a great new female doctor who prescribed an inexpensive antibiotic. I’m going to take a guess and say I needed to drink more water and less beer. Neall and I partied HARD every single night we could easily drink a case of 24 beer, or a couple bottles of wine, or a bottle of Wiser’s. My parents were not in contact with me but I did try to keep the lines of communication open because I just assumed they were irritated with life and that it wasn’t really about me.
In early March 1994 the Superintendent of the building gave me a document about my apartment. I wasn’t quite sure what it meant, I thought I had to move. The terminology used in the document wasn’t something I was familiar with and at this point, my parents weren’t exactly speaking to me and I still wasn’t sure why. In any case, I was confused about the terms of the Lease Renewal so instead of accepting I told them I was moving out on April 1st. I ended up losing my last month’s deposit, but I didn’t really care.
The building manager called my father to tell him I was moving and to tell him I hadn’t given proper notice, etc. My father was also on the lease, of course but as pissed as he was he was powerless to do anything about it. If he wanted to know what was happening in my life, he should have asked. Someone should have probably given me a copy of the lease and told me what the rules were. I had no idea I couldn’t just decide to move and that I had to give a notice period.
In mid-March 1994, I got another really bad kidney infection and the doctor prescribed Macrobid for 10 days. On the 9th day I thought I had the Chickenpox. I called Jack to ask if I’d had Chickenpox as a kid or the Measles and what they looked like. Based on Jacks’ response that no, I’d never had the Chickenpox but did have the Measles and that Chickenpox looks like acne all over your body I wasn’t too worried. About 30 minutes later I was struggling to breath and my eyes swelled shut, my lips started to swell so Neall and I hailed a cab on the corner and went to the ER. I nearly died of anaphylaxis due to a severe allergic reaction to Macrobid; I was kept in hospital for several hours, released with Benadryl, and warned to advise medical professionals that Nitrofurantoin is not a chemical compound for me.
A few weeks later, I discovered I was pregnant. No one had told me I couldn’t take antibiotics while on birth control. I went back to my doctor because I was still only 19 and not intending to become a parent. My doctor said, “I don’t do that procedure but I’ll refer you to the hospital for a D and C.” Interestingly, when I was a child, my father loved to tell me his abortion story:
Jackass: "Your mother called me in a panic because she was bleeding and the doctor said there might be something wrong. I raced over to the doctor's office just in time to see him unhooking the abortion vacuum from the wall. Your mother wanted to have you aborted."
I'm proud to say that even as a nine year old, I didn't think he was telling the truth, but I had no idea that he was this much of a liar back then.
Neall and I had found a larger apartment with more light in a private building close to the University. Neall was not working yet, he was doing occasional contract work here and there, and I supported us both working. I didn’t mind because in my mind, that meant everything was mine and if we broke up, he had to leave.
We found an apartment directly across the street from the University; it was large, on the main floor of a townhouse, nice Juliet balcony, dishwasher, bedroom with a little storage area, and free cable! It was more expensive than I had wanted to pay and heating was not included, hydro was separate. The apartment was around $900/month and the landlady seemed really nice. We moved in on April 1st.
April 1994 marked the end of my first year in University. I finished all my classes with no less than a B average. Not bad for someone who didn’t attend class very often. I can tell you that Big M was sure I’d flunk out of first year and having not done so made her less than happy. My sister Roxanne would be headed to Germany in the summer to start her student exchange program. I was really excited for her to get away from home for a year. The first week of April is also when I had my first and only abortion. I learned my lesson after that.
I received my tuition statement in the mail and sent it to Jack in the mail for payment. Upon receiving the invoice, Jack told me that he had been saving money for my education and that I needed to contact an organization called CST to have my tuition paid or I would have to “just get a grant through the Métis association.” What? Even I knew you have to apply for these well in advance and they don’t just hand money over to anyone with a claim of being Aboriginal, you need proof, status cards, etc.
I contacted CST and discovered that I had less than
$2,000 in the account and that this would definitely not pay my year’s tuition
– it would cover the cost of my books though. I explained to Jack that the amount
wasn’t enough and he simply said nothing. I knew then I was on my own. This was
a breach of our agreement on HIS part and not on my part.I remained silent, powerless because I didn't even control my own money and to this day, don't know if there was a balance remaining in my joint account.
I was pretty screwed because he could have told me sooner that he was only paying my first year University. I was fuming; not only did I really NOT want to attend University, I wanted to attend college, but the requirements were I HAD to attend University if I wanted to have my education payed. Instead, I saw this as the challenge I’m sure it was meant to be. Big M was certain I would fail and I assumed they had only ever intended to pay for one year.
I decided to apply for OSAP. I was denied OSAP because, when you’re a student, you are considered a dependent and not an adult therefore; my parents earned way too much money. I then applied for the equivalent in Québec, but was denied because I had never lived in Québec. The message both organizations told me was I had to live independently from my parents for one year before I would be considered an independent adult.
While I came up with a plan, I decided to defer my tuition, I also decided to reduce my course load to 3-4 courses only per semester but that I would go year round instead of taking the summer off. I still needed to pay my tuition, eventually but for the moment, I was able to cover all my costs with my now 3 part time jobs. One of my jobs gave me as many hours as I wanted to work and I would often work 35 hours a week during the day, then work part time in the evenings. I was making $12.50/hour at the surveys place (35 hours a week) and the other 2 paid me $8.50/hour but at the Westin hotel, I got to meet celebrities – Kiefer Sutherland chain smokes Camel cigarettes; Martin Brodeur gave me hockey tickets; I got my mother Roger Moore’s autograph. It was my favourite job and I met a lot of famous people.
In August, a friend of a friend was marrying a friend because she needed to separate herself from her family. This piqued my interest and I asked my friend why she needed to get married. Her response was that it was the fastest way to become an adult. I was definitely more curious; and asked don’t you have to go to court to emancipate yourself? Her response was that her friend was studying law (Québec has Napoleonic Code) and that her parents wanted too much control over her life (this was sounding more and more familiar) so by getting married, that emancipated herself without a waiting period. I turned to Neall and said, “wanna get married?”
I ran in to Trevor and his girlfriend that summer too and we all hung out for several weeks. Neall and I got Spot a friend, Bear to keep him company. Neall had also reconnected with his very old friend my elementary, Bobbie so we had a nice circle of friends. Trevor was my best man at my civil wedding ceremony on October 6, 1994; Neall’s maid of honor was his best friend Lawrence. My mother was aware of my plan to wed for OSAP and had purchased my dress but had refused to attend the wedding fearing my father’s wrath and perhaps she would lose contact with Roxanne until she turned 18. For our ‘honeymoon night’ we rented the Jacuzzi suite at the local Howard Johnson hotel in downtown Ottawa. I reapplied for OSAP and qualified without further issue.
My sister was in Germany and we used to talk all the time, my phone bill was ridiculously high and I worked more hours to cover the cost but I missed my sister dearly. We were literally separated by an entire ocean. Neall still didn’t have a regular job but at the time, I didn’t care I just focused on me, he was a means to an end. When I married him I was maybe in love, but I think I was infatuated with the idea of being my own person. I wanted to sever the ties to my family permanently and getting married accomplished that because I also immediately changed my name. Neall was in love with me and I knew he was but I also thought maybe he would come to his senses and realize you cannot fall in love with someone forever after just a few months together. I figured at some point he would realize it too; I used him for my degree but I didn’t hate him yet.
I thought Neall and I were on the same page… the marriage was just a means to an end; it didn’t change anything between us except we had wedding bands. It was the same as dating in my mind, only more complicated because if we broke up it would involve a divorce. A divorce I knew I’d be asking for in 4 years anyway. I must have sold the fantasy too well because over time Neall fell more and more in love with me and I remained committed to leaving him when I had my piece of paper in hand. I couldn’t focus on anything other than surviving. Surviving now doing the work to get educated so I could live my life later. Surviving so I would never feel like this ever again – like I was in free-fall after my parents pushed me off a cliff. That’s what it felt like the entire time I was in University – truly alone and only myself to rely on… Even Neall didn’t seem too motivated to get off the couch. I absolutely enabled him by supplying all his alcohol so no, he didn’t want to work. I also saw him as a student-peer for some reason and not a man 5 years older than I was who should have had a job.
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