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The Green Forest

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al·le·go·ry

/ˈaləˌɡôrē/

noun

noun: allegory; plural noun: allegories
a story, poem, or picture that can be interpreted to reveal a hidden meaning, typically a moral or political one.

Today’s post comes as an allegory… my blog is ‘being watched’ so I don’t 'antagonize' anyone. I’ve given this a lot of thought….Welcome to the Green Forest!


Nose in the air Papa Bear can smell him from several kilometres away… “Ma! Ma!” Mama Bear had been enjoying the fermented blueberries “she’s sleeping,” he says to himself when she doesn’t respond. Papa Bear sits in wait for the Badger to approach.

Badger:   Hello there!

Papa Bear nods in greeting, he’d just finished some of the mushrooms those caribou were eating before they completely lost their heads!

Badger:  Hello there! He says again

Papa Bear:  Yup, hi, how can I help you? (Papa’s trying to stay focused and ignore the matrix of lights all around him); the Badger is the law in these parts

Badger:  I was called over to Chippie’s tree (the chipmunk Mama Bear was hoping to never see or hear from again).

Papa Bear:  Oh?

Badger:  Chippie says she had some blueberry bushes that were set on fire. I know Mama Bear has serious MENTAL PROBLEMS.  She says Mama Bear destroyed the berries for revenge.

Papa Bear:  Oh? Mental PROBLEMS? Interesting. Revenge for what? And why is Mama Bear being blamed?

Badger:  Oh I know these problems are really valid, but Chippie says someone told Mama Bear that Chippie infected the blueberries with a strain of blossom blight to destroy all the nearby berry crops.

Papa Bear: I see. Did Chippie tell you what she did to start this feud?

Badger:  No, did something happen? Chippie said Mama Bear started all this by marking her territory.

Papa Bear:  Well, Chippie became very aggressive just before our long nap. Mama Bear did mark her territory but that’s because Chippie started burrowing holes into our den in several areas. Mama Bear is protective of our winter stores and Chippie was trying to spread her Blossom Mold spores to let Mama Bear know that we are on her hit list. Look, I even have a drawing of her digging holes in my den and then creating a blockade at the exit of our den, just to make Mama Bear’s life difficult. Chippie is trash talking Mama Bear to anyone who listens. She is trying to destroy Mama Bear’s standing in our community. Before any of that even happened, Chippie pretended to be Mama Bear’s friend only to rear her ugly head and start attacking Mama Bear when Mama Bear was in a very bad mental head space.

Badger:  OK, but why did she mark the territory?

Papa Bear: To protect our boundary, our food, our cubs, and our home. To let Chippie know she’s not afraid and will push back. Chippie lost her mind and Mama Bear suspected that Chippie would want to avenge our family decision to step back from Chippie and her unacceptable behaviour. Chippie is lucky Mama didn’t just eat her.  Our friends, The Beaver Family watched as Chippie rolled around in the dead blueberry bush then rub her fur all over Mama Bear’s blueberry crop.

Badger: I spoke to Chippie and she says Mama Bear is to blame. Mama Bear put up drawings to keep Chippie out. These drawings could be perceived as antagonistic.

Papa Bear: Antagonistic? Did you not see what she did? How are we supposed to protect our property? You think we’ll just let her do what she wants? We want to put up a barrier around our entire den so we never have to see or deal with her ever again.

Badger: Oh, is that your plan?

Papa Bear: Yes, a barrier. I want my privacy. She needs to stay in her tree and out of my den.

Badger: Can we talk to Mama Bear to see if she knows anything about the burning bushes? It’s pretty clear her mental problems are the cause of this unfortunate outcome.

Papa Bear:  No, no she’s already asleep and there is no waking her up. Come back and I’m certain she’ll be pleased to clear up any questions.

 

But the Badger did not return for an entire week; he was busy investigating the crime of the burning bush.

One morning, early, Mama Bear was ill, due to her loss of smell she did not even smell him approaching, she had lost her voice when the Badger came knocking. She dragged herself out of her warm bed and sat outside the den to answer for the crime she was being accused of - burning Chippie’s bush.

Badger: Hello! I’m the law around these parts

Mama Bear: Uh huh. Ok.

Badger : First, I know you have serious mental problems….

Mama Bear is very much holding her claws back at Badger’s very offensive tone and lack of sensitivity. She can tell this is not going to go well. How is this Badger even allowed to talk to people?

Badger continues: But I know you have valid reasons for your problems (while waving his tiny arms around in some petting gesture insinuating that he approves of Mama Bear’s mental illness).

Mama Bear is trying not to rip the Badger’s head off with every spoken word. Does Badger really think Mama Bear needs his approval for her mental health issues? Issues that she has because she was mistreated? Issues that she is working through? Issues that are very painful and should not be treated in such a demeaning way? She bites her tongue and realizes she isn’t paying any attention to the Badger.

Badger: I investigated the crime of the burning bush but there are no witnesses and so we came to say we aren’t pressing charges but we know someone from this household burned the bush.

Mama Bear: Uh Huh. Well good then. No one from this household touched her bush. In fact, we want nothing to do with her. She keeps trying to engage us in pettiness.

Badger: Well, we spoke to Chippie and told her you have a right to your blueberries.

Mama Bear: Uh Huh. So next year, when Chippie starts this bullshit again, rubs her mold all over my crops, what do you expect me to do? I called the Wise Owl and asked for his help first; he told me I needed to collect many salmon before the Eagle would even entertain court to hear my issues with Chippie. It will take me many years to collect that much salmon to pay for the Eagle’s time. Then I spoke to the Raven and the Raven had no idea how to help me prevent Chippie from destroying my property.

Badger: You should call me if you think she’s planning to destroy your property.

Mama Bear: Why would I do that?

Badger: That’s my job. I investigate and look into these issues. I talk to all parties involved.

Mama Bear: Investigate? Like you’re doing right now?

Badger: Well, mold isn’t illegal and Chippie can breed it.

Mama Bear: Yes, but in respectful circles, breeding mold is done indoors so you don’t destroy other people’s property.

Badger: So, what’s up with the drawings you put up on your barrier?

Mama Bear: My drawings? Those are my house rules. I expect all guests to obey my rules.

Badger: Well, Chippie feels the drawings are antagonistic.

Mama Bear: I’m sure she does. They tell her exactly what not to do… like Don’t burrow holes into my den, don’t take pictures of my blueberry bushes, and if you destroy my bushes, I will seek pay back.

The Badger is the protector of the forest. The problem is that the Badger has no idea what he’s protecting or why he’s even protecting it. The Badger doesn’t even eat or like blueberries. The Badger doesn’t understand that Chippie’s actions would not only destroy my blueberry bush, but that the mold she intends to release would destroy all blueberry bushes in a 20 km radius. As soon as the pollen hits the flowers on the blueberry bushes, fruit production stops and only seed is produced. Badger simply doesn’t understand the magnitude of the problem because the Badger Force lacks training. Once the bushes are destroyed, it’s too late.

Badgers should be trained in their field like they do in other Northern Forests. Mama Bear believes that Badgers should be required to study for 4 years in the field of mental “problems” and crime like is expected from the Wise Owl or the Eagle. Then, after 4 years of study, they can do their 2 years of patrol training. Otherwise, the Badger only believes the animal with the biggest tears and the best story.

Mama Bear has a better plan for next year… she’ll plant her blueberries and will be able to avoid Chippie’s mold because Mama Bear isn’t stupid. She also has been collecting salmon, just in case she does need it in the future. Mama Bear now has cameras all around the outside of her den. She even has the video and sound saved of all the conversations with the Badger and Chippie. Next year, when Chippie decides to breed mold, Mama Bear will have it all on video to take to the Wise Owl. Next time Mama Bear contacts the Wise Owl and goes to see the Eagle, Mama Bear will have all the video proof to support her request that Chippie never be allowed to have blueberry bushes ever….

Mama Bear also has all the salmon bones to show she had to pay to deal with Chippie’s barrier, and had to pay to call the Wolf to measure the den property, and even the salmon bones left over from Chippie forcing the Bear Family to remove their fire pit for the den. Mama Bear also has 5 years of notes on Chippie she has been saving just in case. GreatMama Bear didn’t raise a fool.

PS. Sarcasm is a one-liner not several lines of text.
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