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Chapter 4 - Teen Years: 1988-1993

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 C4#6 Shattered
 C4#8 Stalker
 
Postings paused for this week; please go to my page titled Reality Bites  for an update on my story on June 10 and 11, 2022.
 
 C4#9 Debauchery
 C4#13 Freedom from Oppression - July 14
 
My truths:
By the time I was a teenager, I lived in a truly hostile environment. The below list, were the things I knew for certain:
#1- I am stupid
#2- I am hated in this house
#3- I am fat
#3- I am ugly
#4- I will never amount to anything
#5- My dad is trapped with a woman who abuses him and he needs to be rescued 
#6- I will end up (probably) cleaning toilets at the local Chinese restaurant for a living because.....refer to point #1 above.
#7- I am a guest who overstayed her welcome in my own house
#8- I live in a house and not a home 

I dreamed of dying, and fantasized about all sorts of ways I could 'accidentally' die, but suicide was not an option for me. I was too scared of screwing up my own suicide even though Big M told me exactly how to do it.
 
I tried breaking my left knee on many occasions just so I could rest from working 40+ hours a week - until I realized that I would be trapped with HER until I was healed. Instead, I decided to escape my life; and escape I did. I decided that once I left this shit hole I would never look back; without ADHD allowing me to hyper-focus on my goals, preventing me from losing sight of the finish line, and being my mental and emotional motor, I would wager that I would not have succeeded. ADHD made my determination my driving force and I was unstoppable.
 
My goals were simple: attend post secondary in the furthest most inconvenient location to Big M; graduate university; move to a different country and vanish. Sometimes, unforeseen things happen to derail perfectly laid plans. 

Read from the beginning
Prologue : Family

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