I’m holding my breath. I can feel the heat in my face, my heart is pounding in my chest, the blood is rushing around my head making very loud WHOOOOSHING sounds, and my stomach is in knots. I need my body to be quiet, I’m sure he’ll hear me from the living room. Don’t cry, he’ll come. It’s dark where I’m hiding. My breath is ragged, short, quick and coming in quiet sob-like gasps. I’m clenching my beloved Raggedy Ann doll in the crook of my elbow while I hide, in the bottom of the cupboard. I can see light filtering from the hallway coming through the cracks in the accordion-like door. It’s pitch black in the bedroom where my sister is sound asleep, and from my position in the cupboard, I can see anyone attempting to enter the bedroom and I can keep a watchful eye on my sister. I’ve been hiding in the closet for at least an hour, quietly crying, clutching the picture of dad and I taken at the photo booth in The South, praying for him to come save me. I don’t like it here anymore. I’m s...

My aunt registered me for kindergarten in the fall of 1979. I attended a local French Catholic school until the end of first grade. I remember it was my first Hallowe’en and my aunt made my costume out of a fiber potato sack and I went as Pocahontas. I loved my costume because Pocahontas was the prettiest of the princesses – and the only one I knew who was First Nations.   I grew up knowing part of my identity is that I am Métis . While Bruno worked at the mine, Anna worked 3 nights a week, to my recollection, at the local Bingo hall.   Anna is a great homemaker; she can sew, knit, crochet, bake, and cook amazing family meals. My all time favourites are her tomato rice soup with a slice of white cake topped with 7 minute frosting – or her no bake blueberry cheesecake.  Jack is 14 months older than Anna and you can tell, he thinks he is better than she is. Living with my aunt and uncle allowed me to get to know my extended family. It was truthfully, amazing to see all th...

In April of 1979, I turned five years old. The summer of 1979, my sister and I moved to Small Town Northern Ontario (‘The North’) to live with Jack’s sister, her husband, and their four children. I was over the moon at the prospect of living with family for a little while; I would go from having one sister to four! I remember Léa would visit us in Southern Ontario (‘The South’) in the summer to babysit, help my mom out, and spend time with her aunt and uncle. My Aunt Anna’s house in The North is a modest brick and siding 2-story home. Anna purchased the house from her parents for $1 on her wedding day. The main floor layout was rather classic; you walk through the door and into a mudroom of sorts with a huge walk in coat closet a few steps away. The coat closet is sandwiched between the stairs leading to the basement and the entrance to the kitchen and main dining area; across from the kitchen/eating area is a living room, leading off the eating area is a hallway to one bathroom and ...

I loved living with dad, just the three of us. Maybe my grandparents were there also, but I only remember my dad.   I remember my sister and I slept with him nearly every night; and even though my sister often wet the bed, Dad never got angry.   I was 9 months old when I was potty-trained. I wonder if it involved a hairbrush.   In any case, shortly after I was potty-trained my parents went up North to visit family and, well, their host was horrified to find a baby not in diapers! Mom (maman) had to re-potty-train me when we returned home. When it was just dad, my sister, and me, I mimicked everything dad did and wore.   I had a belt very similar to his and at around age 4, I remember feeling something I could not quite identify. I recognize this emotion as shame when I revisit this memory. One morning, we were shaving in the mirror, as usual me with a comb and him with the real deal.   I was barefoot, wearing my blue jeans, belt with horse buckle, and no shi...

Let us recap a little before I recount what I remember happening after my mom left.   Jack left his small Northern Ontario village in 1954 to attend University in the Big City.   He was studying Political Science while dreaming of one day beginning a career as a Narcotics Agent – to fight the war on Reefer. Jack was approached during his first year of post-secondary and offered a very unique opportunity – would he like to fight for his country to help defeat the Communist Threat ?   Jack was disappointed after explaining his career ambitions only to be told his aptitudes would be better suited in a different field.   Once he accepted, he was sent out West for 6 weeks Basic Training with the military.   Jack was told never to reveal his true identity and was provided a cover story.    He worked in a bookstore and was, I thought, a door-to-door books salesperson.   [What follows is what I was told by various sources. Many of the sources, are the...