My final year of high school was 1992-1993, it was also my first year voting in a political referendum, and I was SUPER EXCITED! I received my announcement in the mail; I had already been paying attention to the issues and had even done a project on The Charlottetown Accord when my father decided to tell me how to vote. I was offended and pointed out that I could vote however I wanted and he couldn’t tell me what to do. I remember his face like it was yesterday – stunned that I would dare say such a thing! I added that he wasn’t allowed in the voting box with me. I became increasingly more irritable with my father the closer I got to leaving; he always got on my nerves. He loved to try to control me every waking moment; I was usually much better at covering up my irritability. I still did not have a driver’s license, I was pretty much terrified of my own shadow but put on a very courageous front; and I had little to no sense of the world I was about to launch myself on to. None of th...

In elementary and junior high, all the girls in my grade watched soap operas; the one my friends and I obsessed over was Days of Our Lives . Big M watched Another World . Early in my high school career, Big M had established herself a group of friends and they would do various crafts. Eventually, sewing was the art that stuck around. Big M and her mean friends would sit at the dining room table, making themselves skirts and muumuus all while trash talking every single person they knew; these were her friends she was talking about! What surprised me was that all her friends would still share every detail of their lives with her – I mean, she holds nobody’s secrets. NOT A SINGLE PERSON. I learned never tell her anything of consequence. As I’m sure you can imagine, her intense friendships were fraught with arguments, lies, compliments, flattery, and finally they usually crashed and burned. It got tricky when she befriended staff. She befriended most of the staff and latched herself on l...

Receiving my license to produce is what saved my life. I had two suicide plans I was prepared to execute. Having ADHD probably saved my life too. In June 2019, I had suicide weighing heavily on my brain and I wasn’t able to escape the feelings or belief that my family would be better off if I were dead. My parents hated me and at least I could secure my family’s financial future by cashing in on several life insurance policies. To get my thoughts under control, so I could obsess about something else, I rationalized that all moods and situations are temporary and that if I still felt the same in February 2020 I would commit suicide. No, I’m not sharing my method, it’s private and it’s still my back up plan when life kicks me in the groin on an on-going basis. I have a winter suicide plan, but I also have summer plan. I’m hyper-organized and I live my life compartmentalizing it; but my brain also needs several back-up plans otherwise hypervigilance gives me insomnia. In the summer of 2...

My health problems began in my 40s. In late 2014, I was diagnosed with severe and chronic migraines which translated to 23 migraines per month. They were relentless. I tried so many medications for migraine prevention, gained 25 pounds in three weeks while taking an SSRI and became very depressed. I decided to find an alternate solution.  After my allergies diagnosis in 2014, I was referred to Dr. Matthews, a Gastroenterologist. I saw him in April 2015 and he performed my first ever colonoscopy that August. He removed the polyps he found in early September 2015 and told me to come back for a follow up in three years. At age 41, I had a partial hysterectomy in late September 2015. I had been progressively experiencing severe pain every month until one day, the pain was so bad, my nerves seemed to seize in my legs and I was no longer able to walk. I was diagnosed with severe Adenomyosis and when my uterus was removed, the surgeon told me it was 4 sizes larger than it should have b...

W hen I was in fifth or sixth grade, I became obsessed with restaurants. I wanted to own one later in life. Big M and Jack were out a lot in the evenings and on weekends so I was responsible for watching my sister. This is before the house transitioned and we still lived in the rooming house; it started with me putting on plays in our kitchen and serving simple appetizers (like cut up fruit). I would invite all the roomers upstairs to come sit and watch. Looking back, Big M always gave me dirty looks and was very quiet while all the other adults supported my silliness. I’m sure the plays were not very good, but I was usually humoured by most of my non-relatives. As time progressed, after dinner, the parental unit would go for rides in the bush to enjoy each other’s company without children in their lives.   While they were out, I would haul out every single piece of nice dishes and set the table for a Queen. I would create detailed menus and the middle of my menu always contain...